…ever needed an epic outfit that you couldn’t find? I have NO clue what to do and I have a photo shoot in like a few weeks. The worst part is, this is for the promotion of the very 1st song we’re trying to push lol… I thought I had direction on my look but I love so many things that I don’t know how to narrow it down. Then on top of it all I hate shopping… yep I said it, I hate to shop (Will has been witness to me running out of stores). If I had a stylist bringing me clothes every day that would be a different story but it’s just too many choices out there lol… Pretty sad and I’m sure I’m losing my girl points. I need help, sigh, I guess I’ll get back to my search but this is majorly whomping.
It’s been a busy couple of weeks and I’m really excited with where I feel like life is going. The weird thing is that while personal/professional goals are starting to be met, I’m still struggling with things from my past more now than ever. It’s like things that didn’t bother me for a while (or that I put to the side) are now coming back up when I have the most work to do. Needless to say, I pray a lot and yoga helps me clear my mind but I can’t help but to wonder why things are starting to come back to me. It won’t keep me from my dreams, I’m sure, but it’s tough. I’m not the only person that’s had to overcome personal struggles while fighting for their love so I don’t feel alone in that way. I do, however, feel alone sometimes. I’m not sure if I make it that way or if that’s just the way that the cards are dealt but it’s interesting when I’m on such a big journey. I don’t think people really understand the emotional strain musicians go through. It’s like being in corporate America times 10 lol… I know, because I’ve been there done that. It’s a very bumpy ride starting off… but there’s something inside of me telling me to fight and to keep pressing on. I know it’s probably a little corny but I feel like I can conquer the world lol. I’m also glad to have loving people in my corner that keep me feeling that way too. Will, the manager, can be rough to deal with (lol j/k Willie) but he undoubtedly has my back and is one of the most dedicated people I have ever met in my life. Even if I don’t feel like we’re gonna make it- he does and he reminds me… Everyone that he has introduced me to, so far, has been a warm spirit. They appreciate the work I’m doing and are ready to make a difference in the world. They have all helped me grow so much and I think that’s why I’m continuously able to artistically spread my wings. People that thought they knew me before or going to have a surprise coming their way. I’m definitely opening up more through my art. I think it’s the only way I truly communicate who I am these days. I don’t really talk to anyone about my personal issues or what I’m feeling- I write it and sing it like it’s my last day to live. I have an overwhelming amount of passion for music. I’m not doing this to be famous. When I was 16 or 18 maybe that would have been a thought but I’m doing this because it makes me feel alive. If my pen could never touch my left hand, I wouldn’t be complete. So, since I recognize that God has given me a gift and important things to say, I’m motivated and appreciative of the artistically complicated life I live. I’m so cool with it.
(My buddy and meeeee :) lol… William Tyler & I)
PS. Feel free to share your thoughts and tell me about your journey.
So guys I was actually recording today- with my Texas allergies and all lol. Yesterday I also did a session to get some kinks worked out on an arrangement for my album that I’m extra excited about. The song I did today is one of my favorites right now. I’m a huge fan of R&B and I’ve been doing pop/alternative/R&B for my personal project but today… OMG I got to do the whole sensual, two-stepping kind of joint. I’ll tell you how much I love this song… I’ve been jamming it 2hrs since I left the studio (partially so I can make sure I have all of the parts ready for tomorrow for completion) lol. It’s weird because I know the song isn’t for me (because I want to sell it) but I’m really anticipating the day I hear it on a album. I’ll tell you guys how that journey goes :)
(Engineer, Marcus Richard, and I brainstorming on mixes)
If you’re a serious songwriter or producer in the urban market you should definitely know about Big Jon Platt (click the title link). Jon Platt is EMI publishing’s West Coast President and one of the most sought after music execs in the industry. He’s signed some of the biggest artists (whom he’d usually meet/sign at the hatching of their careers) and apparently does business fairly. To learn more about him, you can also look» here & here. It’s always great to know about the people you aspire to work with SO do your homework :)
This post might pop up later but I’m up and it’s 6:09 in the morning. Why am I up? I really couldn’t tell you, but this does happen frequently. It could be that humongous burger (with fries) I ate that’s reminding me of how uncomfortable I am, but I know I have all of these thoughts running through my head.
I’m thinking about music. I’m thinking about failure. I’m thinking about success. I’m wondering if my parents will be able to reap any benefit of my hard work… There are these times when I wake up around 2 or 3am and I just wonder about my life (choices). I hope that I’m making the right decision to pursue something that I love. Usually people don’t know things like this but now that I have you guys, you can bear witness.
I think everyone who has some kind of dream deals with this, the anxiety of not knowing, and it’s tough because no one can answer what you honestly don’t know. Even though you appear confident to the public, you still have the doubts or the questions that come up in your mind every so often. My heart is anxious, I’m really tired, and I should be sleep… but I just can’t.
I would usually fly to my journal and write but I guess this blog is now my journal about my journey (and other randomness lol). I might watch a little TV to keep the thoughts from racing or go get some juice… I dunno but I really need to slow down and place one foot in front of the next.
I hate that I have so much stuff to do sometimes because it feels like it’s really hard to get my mind and actions coordinated. I’ll admit the lack of synchronization makes me procrastinate and that’s no bueno when I have deadlines set.
I’ve been working towards my album and writing demo projects for about 7 months now. After my first (EPK) project “Old Spirit, Young Soul” was released in 2008, I knew I had a lot more ideas I wanted to express so I began writing but I was still focused on pushing the project’s music out to the people. (Below is actually the CD cover)
Anywho… during the time I was working on “OSYS” I believe I already had the songs written so what was left was recording, creating the project concept, and then finishing up a remainder of the business. This go round it’s a little different… I’m taking care of the business as I’m creating, so sometimes I get lost on what I want to focus on. Luckily I had a head start on the writing because I began working on it soon after the completion of OSYS; however I still have to deal with both actively writing & recording while conceptualizing & creating my 2 new projects. I know you’re probably asking “What about the songs you’ve already written?” well some of the material I wrote early on doesn’t always fit the tone of what I’m doing now so I scrap songs here and there, then create new ones. It’s not really hard or anything, it’s just a lot of different things I can work on that I have to somehow piece together.
Right now I have this awesome song that we’re trying to release like asap but there are SO many details my manager (Will, whom I’m driving crazy/vice versa) and I have to take care of before we even let people hear the song! Most people don’t realize that with every song release, there are hundreds to thousands of dollars being spent between photo-shoots, recording time, mixing, mastering, and promotion. On top of the money, the release’s plan of execution has to be thought out. Artists can’t afford to put out music without having copyrights completed or being affiliated with a performance rights organization (like ASCAP) just in case the song blows up. I’m definitely the the one considering the “just in case” factor. I leave no stone unturned… unless by some freak of nature occurrence I don’t see it and that’s how I end up here- lost, because I like to control everything. Keep in mind, this is all for one song… not an album.
My whole take on releasing music is that I don’t want anyone to be able to deny it artistically. People can say whatever they want about how I look or dress but there will be no denying the music lol. I’m not naive though folks… I know that everyone will not like what I’m putting out in the universe but it won’t be because the song is low quality or badly written. If people don’t like my music, it hopefully will be because it’s not their type of song or genre.
Well I should probably get back to my one of many tasks. I don’t even know where to start, but I’ll let you guys know how it goes…
So I was sitting here on this beautiful day and I began to think as I was washing my last bit of laundry- what do I want when it comes to love? Yeah, I know that’s random with the laundry and all but I think it’s a very important question to ask yourself every once and a while. You’re not asking the cliche “age, sex, location” or basic human characteristic questions but you are honestly asking yourself “what do I want when it comes to love?” Do you want a roller coaster ride, that passionate movie kind of love- or maybe the calm, low key love… you know, what kind of love are you into?
You see “fairytale” love stories in all of these movies and television shows out now, then there’s so much music about sex & lust that a person is left deficient of a honest picture of day-to-day love. I know you can’t write a “how-to” on an emotion, I understand, but I wish folks would talk about the realness of it all. How do you love someone that’s growing in a different direction, how do you love someone after they cheat, how do you love someone after you cheat, how do you love someone that seems flawless, when is ok to ride a love roller coaster?
When I was a little girl, I would sit in my cardboard-box fort and watch Disney movies all day eating my favorite Chef Boyardee raviolis. In my cardboard-box fort and eating my raviolis, I seriously thought I was the princess that someone would swoop in to save. I thought there would be all of this passion and overwhelming emotion that we would feel for one another and blah, blah, blah. It seems like back then society played up the whole idea of the “Prince Charming” character way more than they do now and love was basically one way. Love was sweet and simple- it was a look, a touch, a first kiss, a romantic dance and all that frilly jazz. Love was not me being angry if he didn’t call or if he lied or if he wasn’t where I wanted him to be when I expected. Love was pure, in pure circumstances. Disney never taught me how to properly love someone through human foolishness while maintaing a unclouded heart. To tell you the truth, now that I’ve experienced a few things, I don’t know if I really want to be saved by Prince Charming or his passion. I would rather a “boy meets girl” kind of scenario and just feel it out from there. All of the extra bells and whistles that we don’t seem to know how to handle, is what gets us in trouble.
I’ve become a little more realistic about good ol’ Prince Charming and even a little suspicious. I figure, “Do I really want someone like that to worry about?” I use the word “worry” since in this day and age, that’s all it feels like a person can do when it comes to the opposite sex (especially when dealing with someone that seems perfect). People can fill your head up with the whole soul mate game but there are alot of frogs out there and folks don’t always get that prince (or princess) the first go round.
I could tell you about every episode I’ve had with the male species and you know, I don’t really have horror stories but I do have war wounds. I don’t want to fight for love or in it. I don’t want scars if I love someone. I want it to be easy, whatever that means lol. I want someone that treats me the way I treat them and since people seem to think I’m a unique breed, I’m not sure if I’ll ever come across a person like that. I thought I did once… hmm. Now all that’s left of chapter in my life are love songs and poems I’ll never let him read.
I guess what I’m getting at is that I want a passionate yet practical and dependable Love… not that Disney mess, even though Princess Tiana had a more relatable love experience (sans the kissing frogs, singing insects, and Creole curses).
Today is a very sad day for the Polish people… they lost their leader, along with so many others, on a historical Polish day. There is no suspected foul play in the tragedy but the Polish government now has to pick up the pieces and formulate a plan for their bruised government. Click the link above to learn more.
My general feeling on cheating, period, whether it’s a girl cheating on a guy—because they do—or vice versa is that I don’t really understand it. We live in a country where we can choose our mate so if you’re unhappy with your mate for whatever reason, then break up. It’s pretty simple. Cheating takes too much effort. You’re hiding and doing all kinds of crazy stuff. It’s just unnecessary and it’s extremely hurtful. It’s excruciating pain.
I’ll just say this: it wasn’t that I just experienced cheating with Usher because he and I never discussed that in detail. That wasn’t the first time I experienced cheating in a relationship. I’ve never cheated but I don’t know any woman on this planet who hasn’t experienced something like that, whether it’s cheating during the relationship or cheating during a breakup, which some people don’t consider cheating because you’re not technically together but you still haven’t really broken apart.
I think women are so afraid to talk about things with guys in fear of him leaving, but if he’s going to be afraid from having a conversation, then the hell with his ass! That doesn’t make any sense. I have every right to ask you questions, you have every right to ask me questions. Now if we want to give the answers, it’s up to us but there’s nothing wrong with that because how else will you find out?
A lot of people out there are really good at hiding things and making it seem like everything is normal so you don’t suspect that they’re cheating. Usually things don’t work out, not because of a cheating situation. It could just be just compatibility. Most people, in my opinion, that are together and even married shouldn’t even be together. A lot of times you just have somebody in your life because you feel like you need someone in your life. You feel like you need a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Those are your own insecurities.
When you truly, truly love somebody and it’s a healthy love, you always want to make sure you’re healthy yourself before entering a relationship and give that person your time. That’s why they call it dating. Dating doesn’t mean we’re sleeping together. Dating doesn’t mean I’m your girlfriend, you’re my boyfriend. It means that we are exclusively dating each other trying to get to know each other, figure out each other’s personalities, see if we click, if our morals are intact—all those things. And then you can graduate to the next level of the relationship.
Soooo how could I not blog about the awesomeness that was the Alicia Keys Freedom Tour concert. First off… let me say that I am a fan of her music, so my little “review” might be a little biased to some of you out there lol. Well anywho, I took my little sister for her 18th birthday on Saturday night here in Houston and we had A BLAST. There was plenty of loud, fanatical singing (mostly provided by me), embarrassing dancing, screaming, & picture taking. I swear it felt like my birthday lol.
I’m a dreamer so of course I had to get the empty stage shot. I LOVE seeing how the crew builds up and breaks down the sets for tours. I think the most amazing set break down I have ever seen was in Detroit for Beyonce’s very first solo concert sponsored by Ford Motors. There were like 20,000+ people there and at the end the crew broke down in about two hours… ANY WAY (Music World nostalgic moment) lol…
I just had to capture this view… I can’t wait for the day that my set is being staged then broken down. Most artists will agree that playing a venue like the Toyota Center to thousands of screaming fans (especially on your customized stage) is absolutely mind blowing… Alicia’s stage was to die for. It was like being in a sea of lights. The graphics and patterns were so mod and revolutionary (yeah like “fight the power” revolutionary). There were a couple of times when I was like “Is that political symbolism flashing up there?!” and by the picture below I’m sure you can see the answer to that question…
Alicia’s singing was beautiful, she’s grown SO much vocally and you can tell that this is something she is constantly perfecting. Her background singers were AMAZING, I mean like giving me Easter Sunday singing amazing… The piano playing was so on point that I don’t have words to describe the art that is Alicia’s piano expertise (she even broke out a keytar people). I should probably back it up and talk a little about the opening acts… Melanie Fiona had me SO excited I was literally jumping out of my seat. She is a true vocal talent and her voice gave me chills. Robin Thicke was really cute, his show was very laid back and entertaining… and who knew he was a closet rapper (he ended his set rapping “A Milli” by Lil Wayne).
Like I said, I enjoyed myself and Ms. Keys encouraged yet another dreamer to follow their heart that night. I am truly inspired and in an Empire State of Mind.
Many people don’t know that my father has been a successful small business owner for over 15 years. He owns a private limo service that was passed down to him after my grandmother’s death, so as a girl I was always amazed when talking to his clients and observing how they lived. These people weren’t always your middle class business managers or anything like that… they were CEOs and presidents of fortune 500 companies, top corporate lawyers, government offcials, doctors, and chefs- you know, rich people. We commonly refer to these established “blue bloods” that have maintained their economic status for more than 20 years or so as “old money.” I have had the privilege to be around “old money” and it’s amazing how different they are from the overspending, financially overzealous “new money” kids. Well, to get to the point, Yahoo! did an interesting article on top billionaires in the world and how they spend. Some of you might be surprised with how “cost efficient” these guys are. I know it made me feel proud to be a bit frugal and financially responsible.
(Billionaire Warren Buffett’s $31,500 home he & his wife purchased over 50 years ago)
So I had a moment to myself the other day and I just started checking out some of my fellow local (RnB/Pop) artists’ music and it’s amazing because we have so much organic talent and a crazy untapped market just waiting for the right type of thinkers to come in to do some innovative work. Anzeo David’s song “Prisoner” is at the top of my list right now. You want raw RnB with the vocals to match, it’s all there for you. The lovely Nicoya Polar comes right behind with her song “Superman”… it just feels good to listen to and it takes you back to when you wanted to emulate a singer and their style. Right after that is my girl Coline with “Heartbreaker” …I just feel like I should start strutting in my best heels every time I hear it. Those 3 mentions are just on the RnB side of it all… there are sooooo many other talented artists out like Arenbe, Aja Dominique, Kai (also known as Cookie), Arachi, Tasheba tha Sanger, Jessica Ferguson, Caretta Bell, Brittny Smith, as well as little ol ME (of course lol). I don’t want to forget the PeaceUvMine movement that has artists like Krystal Hardwick (I CAN NOT wait for her album btw) and Michele Thibeaux (who’s album is available). I’m sure there are numerous others that I forgot to name but my hope for us is that we help mold Houston into musical mecca just like Philly & ATL. We have a great rock & alternative music scene… and then we have so many people infiltrating the hip-hop world BUT it’s time for Houston’s pop, and rhythm and blues kids to take their rightful place amongst the ranks. Our radio stations need to drop the politics and bring in the talent… help take the city back to the excitement of hearing a new song drop. I’m excited to be apart of a group of hard working people. I wish everyone the best and I hope that we all reach our personal goals.
Sidenote: You can look all of these artists up between Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter.