pretend my life is this perfect thing to live but that would be far from the truth. Actually the truth is my life is full of ups and downs that I use as motivation to push me and as inspiration to share my deepest thoughts, even hurts, through personalized written lingo. Truth is I could pretend my personal/romantic relationships are simple and fulfilling but they aren’t, at least not all the time, but hey I’m a writer so I guess that fuels more material ;-) I’ve struggled personally, romantically, professionally, and even financially. I constantly ask “Who am I and what do I want?” How does this 20-something work towards happiness (and whatever that means) without sacrificing professional aspirations? (You know they say we can’t have it all, which I think is a total lie.) Well, I’m still trying to figure it out. Why? I can’t even tell you, when I know I should simply just live it out. All I know is that my music is driven by my love for writing and creative expression. I only sing to musically express what I write. I know that much about myself. My blog is extension of my creative and technological expression. These things I know, these things are genuine. I think you can see it for what it is. My music career, is not perfect… I strive everyday in the “regular” world as in the music business world. My relationships are complex and a constant thing I work at. My personality is- onion. These things I know, these things I will never have to pretend about. I hope you see it for what it is.
DeAndre
Earlier I tweeted: “We are in the new frontier of the music business, the old way of thinking is becoming obsolete.” And I got a couple of followers asking me to elaborate. Well, my thought process is: now the creative entities (artists, songwriters, producers, mixers, recording engineers; etc.)…
If you are a dreamer keep believing, stay focused, and be inspired. #motivation :)
Tyler Perry’s public Service announcement “Believe”.
Word.
(source: Concreteloop.com)
No really, I am. Follow my blog :-)
my escape from the real world.
You will understand soon enough.
live and die in love and life
Sooo, here I am at another night where I can’t sleep and I have all of these thoughts running through my mind. Of course I’m thinking about my future, I’m thinking about where folks fit in my life, I’m thinking about what exactly it is that I’m doing. Stuff is super complicated and yet very simple. Normally I’d write some of my junk in my journal, but I figured what-the-hey… you have a pretty cool blog, use it. And here it is, I’m up with anxiety lol. Btw ‘lol,’ in DeAndre code, equates to a nervous chuckle. I get worried about everything, I stress myself out, then in turn I stress out other people around me. I had to take some time to myself this week and just calm down. I’m not usually calm so it’s kinda hard to do. This video is making me antsy, then other personal things have me on edge and I’m probably thinking about it way too much when I should have just let it loose after I prayed about it. I’m only human though. I want the best, I expect the best and that can be a bit extreme for me. I can’t even help it, and maybe I don’t want to but it now has me up when I’m supposed to be sleep so that I can meet my mom tomorrow.
I wonder about change, why I’m slightly afraid of it, when will it happen, and why won’t it happen right now… It’s this flow of consciousness that gets me in trouble late at night, when I’m left to myself. I’m my worst critic, and I hate that because I’m a perfectionist. I know I’m not perfect, I know the way I handle life and my choices won’t always be perfect. I just wonder though, why does that affect me? If no one else is perfect why can’t I not be too? Weird phrasing I know, but you get it. It’s probably because most people I know hold me to a standard. One that I can’t shake because of my reputation and actions behind the rep. I guess that’s a good thing but it’s probably also the reason I’m up with anxiety worried about this video, my music, my life and other random stuff lol. I worry about what I think and how other people will receive what I put out. It’s my soul, ya know…
Night time is so quiet and usually the time when your brain yells the loudest. I’m happy that it works but it’s like an annoying alarm clock that won’t shut off which means I’m left to do just this and write. This is what I do, when I’m overthinking, pretending to be a nervous wreck when there’s nothing to be a wreck over… you guys are just my witnesses this go round. Well, I guess I figured out the problem (I’m a perfectionist with anxiety), and I’ll probably think about that too lol then try to head to sleep. Maybe… night :)
DeAndre
Just not today. I’m not feeling it today. I think I just need to let a few things soak in first… hope you all are having a wonderful day :)
DeAndre
(via heyfranhey, yourstruggle)
